South Africa Might Become the First Country on Earth to Reach the Moon Just by Piling Up Paper Containing Government's Empty Promises PRETORIA — South Africa could soon achieve what scientists, astronauts and several space agencies have failed to do: reach the moon without a rocket. According to a government study conducted by a man who has been waiting 17 years for his pothole to be fixed, the country has discovered a revolutionary new space programme — simply piling up documents containing government promises until they reach the moon. The project began after officials realised that South Africa had accumulated enough promises to theoretically build a staircase from Pretoria to the lunar surface. "We initially thought we would need a rocket," explained the Minister of Something Important while standing beside several warehouses packed with documents. "But then we remembered how many times we have promised to fix roads, create jobs, improve hospitals, end load-shedding, solve the water crisis and fight corruption. We realised the rocket was completely unnecessary." Government researchers reportedly began stacking promises yesterday. The first pile allegedly reached the roof of a government building before collapsing under the weight of commitments to complete projects "soon." Officials then added promises involving infrastructure upgrades, service delivery, job creation, economic transformation and various five-year plans that are currently in their 14th year. By lunchtime, the pile had reportedly reached the clouds. Scientists observing the operation were stunned. "We've studied gravity for years, and we have never seen anything this powerful," said one confused physicist. "These promises appear to have zero physical substance, yet somehow they keep accumulating." NASA has reportedly expressed concern that South Africa could accidentally establish a new space programme without spending anything on spacecraft. The country's astronauts, meanwhile, are said to be preparing for the historic journey. Their biggest concern is apparently not oxygen. "It's the paperwork," said one astronaut. "Before we can leave Earth, we need to complete 46 forms confirming that we're still waiting for approval to leave Earth." Residents have welcomed the development, although some remain sceptical. "If the promises can actually reach the moon, maybe one of them can finally come back and fix the pothole outside my house," said one resident. Government has denied that the programme is behind schedule. Officials insist the moon landing remains "imminent", a word that has now been officially redefined to mean anything from next week to sometime before the next geological era. The Department of Space and Unfulfilled Commitments has also announced that once the pile reaches the moon, officials will begin working on Phase Two: promising to build a bridge between South Africa and the moon. Construction is expected to begin shortly after the tender process is completed. The tender process is expected to begin shortly after the committee meeting. The committee meeting is expected to take place shortly after everyone returns from lunch. Satire disclaimer: This is a fictional satire article intended for humour and commentary. It is not a factual news report. Beloud